Living in Community // Part Two

Up until three weeks ago I had a roommate. For 6 months I shared, the most intimate physical space that any human has access to, with another person; and I can honestly say it was some of the most formative, restorative and intimate moments of friendship I have experienced to this date. Every person should share a room at some point even just for a short season and see what you learn.

And so as we move to separate rooms for isolation here are the lessons I learnt from a roommate – or specifically sharing a room with someone polar opposite to you.

No seriously, you can’t get any more different I don’t think. She swiss, me English; she introvert, me extrovert; she a book lover, me not so much; she a midday riser, me a 6:30 riser; she swearing off sport, me training 1.5 hours a day every day. You get the picture.

The lessons from sharing a room:

1 // JUST BEING

Turns out you can just be. Like just sit there for an hour content in sitting. It's actually rather great. The last week has been our Easter break and I have spent hours just sitting and being content in the silence. The moments of just being are restorative and crucial for physical, emotional and spiritual health.

2 // PRODUCTIVITY

If you lie in until 12 that’s productive. If you didn’t have anything else to do or if you decided the night before that you could lie in then you’ve actually achieved what you wanted to.

She has taught me to reshape the way I view productivity. Its whatever you set yourself to achieve.

3 // INTAMACY

Intimacy doesn’t just refer to sex. The Latin root ‘intimus’ refers to close friendship. Real intimacy is sharing the deep aspects of life with each other. I pray that you will find a friend where intimacy is a key characteristic.

4 // INTERGRITY

Sharing a room means you can’t stay up until 3am watching Netflix, it also means that someone sees you where no one else usually would. They see what you’re like when you’re in the worst mood. They here every vent and put up with the repercussions of your bad day. Sharing a room really challenges you to be pure in every aspect, in thought word and deed – there are moments when I’m sure she can read my mind.

5 // QUIET

You can be in a room with people and say nothing.

6 // LISTENING

Vents are a real thing and for some are crucial in releasing emotions – make sure that it is to a safe person though. Releasing emotions in a safe manner is crucial else it gets taken out on someone who doesn’t deserve it – namely the roommate.

They also don’t need an answer. Just listen.

7 // COMPROMISE

Be honest when you annoy each other and name the issue. It saves lots of issues.

If you need to buy a silent alarm get one. If having the window open annoys them, make sure you have a fan that points only at you.

8 // PRIVACY

You also quickly learn to tune out what you’re not meant to hear. Don’t be a nosy person – this is their private room just as much as yours. I’ve learnt that actually if it’s not your business keep out of it.

9 // FREINDSHIPS WITH OTHERS

Friends quickly learn that your room is there’s too and any conversation or movie night will have someone else in the room too. And honestly, it’s not awkward at all.

I could go on with lessons forever. Seriously sharing a room has been a key part of this year in Oxford, the whole experience would have been totally different if you took away this small aspect.

I will cherish the deep conversations, the ‘what are you doing?’ moments, the fashion catwalks, when we forget our own language, the long book reviews, the play by play of your day. I will cherish having a friendship that goes beyond the normal intimacy and into a new level.