An Open Letter To My First Church

I love you.

My heart hurts with you, I cry with you, I grieve with you… albeit from afar.

I’m not going to quote bible verses and inspiring theological words, this is not the right time, and more importantly you know them already, you taught me them yourselves.

I cried most of Tuesday. To think of the pain my Church has gone through recently. I cry as I write this. I want to be with you so badly. This week has been the first time I have seriously questioned why I’m here. Not because here is hard but because I have a Church family who supported me for 18 years and I can’t be there. I shake and cry, not with anger for this does not cause me to doubt but to love Him even more, but with a weariness that only comes when He breaks your heart for what breaks His; He has broken my heart for Teesside and it can never be undone.

I want to say thank you for all the wonderful messagesthis week. I’ve had more encouragements and check ins than any other week, yet I know these people are hurting from a loss or a diagnosis. I’ve never wanted to be home more, because I know right now you will have the balance. A balance of weeping and not weeping. A balance of stopping but also keeping on going. A balance of looking inward and looking outward. Individually we don’t know what the season is but as a family we know what to do and that’s comfort. That’s family. That’s who he is.

I love you all and can’t wait to be with you soon.

Love,

Your sister.