You're Beautiful

I hit two big milestones this week.

1. I left my teens behind – eeeeeek!

2. I hit 200 in a photo album.

The second one seems rather dull and unassuming, but for my close friends and family, this is a BIG deal for me. And for this to coincide with milestone one, I don't think it's coincidental at all.

Let's do a quick recap.

A while ago, I posted about comparison – my most read blog – this is the second part.

About halfway through my teens, I went through a season which I think all teenage girls (and I'm sure boys too) go through: a season of feeling unworthy, ugly, just generally rather boring. It included thoughts like: "I'm not good enough" or "I wish I looked like her", "I'm fat, "I wish I was better at English", "I wish I could sing", "I wish…I wish…. I wish…"

I'm hoping this isn't unique to me. Actually, I know it's not. Statistics show that teenagers, and even younger and older years are increasingly experiencing these feelings of low self-esteem and lack of self-worth.

After calling myself ugly for the umpteenth time, I one day felt quite pretty. It was out of the blue. I was confident in myself – just this one-off day – and I'll never forget what my mum said…

"Why don't you document it?"

So I did.

And that's how the 'You're Beautiful' Album began.

Anytime I felt slightly better than 'ugly' I'd take a photo and keep it in an album.

This week that album hit 200.

This album was a huge part of the healing process and learning where my identity lay. And so, I want to share not that it feels good now or even what it felt like then, but what the process was like.

I learnt one major lesson in these 200 photos: that beauty is joy, and joy is beauty.

I wasn't my most confident when in a relationship, or my thinnest, or hitting PBs in the pool, or getting good grades, but when I had the most authentic joy.

Joy not from circumstance, for some of these photos were painful days, but joy as a steady undertone to life. Joy is not circumstantial but constant.

I learnt in these 200 photos that the JOY of the LORD is REAL. So very real. 'Beautiful' photos aren't based on the clothing, makeup*, or the likes on Instagram, but the inner beauty of Joy.

This is my story of learning to be ok in my skin, being confident to even be in a photo alone.

I want to share this not to say I'm beautiful or even to declare it over you (which you are) but to encourage us to explore where our negative thoughts are rooted.

This is for teenage girls, for mums who want to help, for youth pastors and friends. This is what worked for me, maybe it will work for you – how are we actively ensuring our identity is in the right place? A photo album (or similar) helps us see how far we've come, not in our own strength but with God. It some kind of tracker - I guess - to look back on in 5, 10,20 years.

This album is a testimony of the beautiful healing that God does. Not overnight, not always obvious, but intimately shaping our view of him and ourselves; to realign who we think we are with how he sees us.

He looks at me, and His heart is glad. He looks at you, and his heart is glad. I pray you believe this.

no. 200

*(PS that is not to say makeup is terrible. I LOVE to do my make up. As I tell dad all the time, it's not to impress anyone, it's just rather fun.)