Confidence: A Blessing Or A Curse?

It’s what every parent wants for their child and every youth pastor for their young people and even for ourselves. Confidence. It’s such a broad term for a start: confident in what? Confident to start something new, confident in our looks, confidence to public speak, confident in exams, confident on the football pitch. Confidence seems to cover every aspect of life.

I’m a confident person.

I’m just going to let that hang for a second.

I’m a confident person.

Now ask yourself how did that feel to read? No seriously, was that a bit too much?

See this is the thing, how often do we really hear this? And if we do hear it, what do we think of the person saying it?

That wasn’t just a test, I would say I am a confident person. In fact, when asked to describe myself in 3 words it’s usually one of the words I choose and when people describe me it’s in the first sentence they say.

Yet it feels dirty. Like something that should be hidden and thought of but not actually said out loud, which is rather oxymoronic don’t you think?

I think we have this tension in society today when it comes to confidence. We want the next generation to be confident in their own skin, encouraging them to embrace their curves or their muscles, their fair or tan skin, their long legs or short arms. We want the next generation to be confident in their abilities, knowing that as long as they try their best then that’s enough, that no matter what you chose to do in life as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.

This is SO GOOD. We need to keep pursuing this.

But then there’s the other side. If a girl is confident in how she looks then she’s vain. Or if he’s confident in his sporting ability then arrogant.

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance and we need to be teaching this too; not giving mixed messages and yo-yo-ing between two extremes.

I want there to be a day when we can take a compliment, say thank you, own it for a second and not feel guilty for doing so.

As someone who is described as confident this has been a major battle of identity. Owning confidence is difficult. The biggest thing I’ve wanted to change about myself over my teenage years – above losing weight, above my reading ability, above how many friends I have – is to become a quieter less confident person. Because who likes that person who fills a room? Or that girl who truly believes she’s beautiful? Or that leader who accepts encouragement? It became ingrained in me that confidence was wrong. Despite everyone wanting it. Explain that one.

And so, practically, how do we shift this mindset? How do we encourage the next generation to be confident, yet, not arrogant?

The best piece of advice my mum has ever given me is this:

Make sure your confidence makes others more confident.

I pray that in my confidence others become confident. That’s it. Confidence should build others up not tear them down. Confidence should be a vibe that bring the atmosphere of a room up not sucking out all the oxygen.

And by confidence I mean this (and this alone): I am confident in who God has made me to be – i.e. A CHILD OF THE KING.

But how do we stop from cross the line into arrogance? Just take a long hard look at yourself and we soon realise we are nothing without Him. A realistic awareness of our own weakness and sin is often enough to keep us from cross that line.

Just make sure we present ourselves in the right manner and articulate well, so that our confidence does not diminish others.

So how do we build confidence? (Don’t worry I’m finally there.)

If being confident is knowing who God has made me to be then, naturally, ask Him.

Know who you are in Christ, speak out what he says about you, own the titles He has given you.

Put simply: read the Bible.

(PS: Ephesians is a great place to start)