Forgiving Yourself

For many forgiveness is a tough action, not least of all when it comes to forgiving ourselves.

There is a quote that reads: Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. 

Forgiveness is a crucial part of our spiritual journey; hence why in prayer ministry training forgiveness is always in the curriculum and why in major conferences there is usually a talk on forgiveness with a deep prayer ministry session to follow. We recognise the deep anguish and discomfort in our soul when we can’t forgive someone else.

“If you are presenting a sacrifice at the alter in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” – Matthew 5:23-24

This is why we do the peace before the communion: to settle the disputes so that we may approach the table as one reconciled body of Christ.

I have struggled to forgive two people in my life – and I am pleased to say that after some intense prayer ministry and mediation that those relationships are restored.

However, do I include myself in this count?

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’."

We must love others as our self. I’ve come to the conclusion that we often love others not as ourselves but better. Should we then lower how we love others to be at the point where we love ourselves? Of course not. We should be loving ourselves more so that it is the well between the spring of God’s love and the bucket of loving others.

And so, do I forgive others as I forgive myself? Thankfully not, else I’d have a great deal of unforgiveness towards others in my life.

I’m learning what it is to forgive myself. After reading and practice, I have found there to be three steps in forgiveness – applied to seeking forgiveness from God, our self and others.

1. Be quick to come to confession

2. Willingness to change

3. Direct amendments

How often do we come to confession with God and seek his renewal? How often do we seek to make amends with others through confrontation or apology? Maybe a lot, maybe very little. Either way, have we ever looked our self in the mirror and apologised to oneself? I know I never did until these past few months. To name the action, to call out those deprecating thoughts, to recognise the pain you have caused yourself. And I can honestly say it’s a beautiful moment of loving yourself, of recognising yourself as human with feelings and the greatest gift to forgive another and free them from the obligation of guilt.

I’m learning that when I sin it not only hurts the very heart of God and pierces another nail in his hands; and that, depending on the sin, it can cause deep wounds in others; but it also hurts me.

I need to be as quick in my confessions and apologies to myself as I am to God and others.

I need to say sorry to myself and say I forgive you in return.

They say treat others as you wish to be treated, I would like to suggest that in the area of forgiveness we treat ourselves as we wish to treat others.

Everything that needs to be forgiven and reconciled must come through the cross, otherwise it will never be genuine. // Lars Due-Christensen.

*Much of this is from the STEPS course – I would highly recommend reading the journal or attending a course near you.