Obedience

Saying yes is easy... That doesn't mean obedience is.

What comes to mind when we hear 'Obedience'?

For some it will be a stern Headmistress and the near impossible rules you had to follow in school.

For others it's a defining factor in their turn from 'secular' to 'sacred'.

And I recognise that for some this word causes recollection of bad memories.

For me I recall the thousand (or what feels like a thousand) times I have listened to a sermon or seminar or bible study on obedience.

See I'm in Oxford out of obedience.

Saying yes... that was only the first step of obedience and boy was it easier than the ones to come.

Going is easy. It's the staying that's hard.

It's staying when really you want to be in Exeter. Because seriously that was the plan all along. That's where I wanted to go. Oxford had never crossed my mind until He said so. With that comes the weirdness of not actually being in love with the city but falling slowly in love with it over time. Its working in a place for which He has not yet broken you're heart for, but when He does it shatters into so many pieces that you know that however long you stay here you'll never stop loving it and wanting to serve it and yearning for locals to come to him.

It's staying when you miss home so badly tears can't even fall. It's staying when you want to just give your best friends a hug. It's staying when you miss birthdays and major life events.

It's staying when your day can seem laborious and feel like you've achieved nothing. When it feels like you're just doing the motions of a cog. It's staying when you're drained but you still have to wash up at the end.

See coming back after Christmas was hard. Harder than I imagined it would be. Maybe its because it's my first time leaving home. Or perhaps because I haven't eaten chocolate since Christmas Day. Or perhaps I was wrong all along and this isn't what He wants me to do and I'm being obedient to the made up voice in my head.

That is just a lapse in judgement, because in reality I know its obedience to Him. Obedience to a God who has a plan bigger than my own. A God who teaches me in the little things and the big. A God who even though he doesn't need help allows us to partner with him to see the kingdom come.

Man working with a Church full time is incredible. It's seeing and learning things which could never be earthly. It's something I know so many people would love to be called into.

And for this I'm sorry. There are many moments where it appears that only those doing things like this internship are being obedient. But actually every student or apprentice or full time worker is obedient. Their decision on where to study or to live was not made alone but they listened to God. We need to remember that it is not just those who work for the Church who are making great acts of obedience.

Because it's hard. In reality that whirlwind week in April was easy. I said yes to a clear call. But the little moments when you second guess everything you've ever believed, the word obedience takes a whole new meaning; and this is the meaning that matters.

Going is easy. Staying is hard.