Pick up the phone.

There are many topics I've written about on this blog that I never thought I would, but this has to beat them all.

Today marks the start of Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2022; I've been wracking my brain on how to raise awareness for EDs in a way that I feel comfortable, but I've actually decided to go a little out of my comfort zone. I'm not yet ready to share my whole story. It's painful and will be triggering for many. But I will say this, I started this website with one vision: "A real and authentic insight into what it means to live a life sold out for The One, including the ups and downs and the lessons learnt from both."

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In July, I picked up my phone, called the GP, and talked. She started with "tell me how you're feeling" and ended with a diagnosis; "It's time to give this a name." The months that followed were nothing short of a battle. But the thing that has hit me most is that the mobile phone that took everything in me to first pick up became the gateway to freedom.

And so, for EDAW 2022, I want to be slightly vulnerable but fully real and practical. With 1 in 4 of us experiencing some form of mental health difficulties, the simple act of picking up the phone should never be underestimated. Not everyone really understood what ED meant for me or how it affected every aspect of my life, but I found more often than not people knew how to respond.

1. The general check-in.

When I flew home for Christmas, my ride home (dad) was late. 45 minutes late to be exact.

As I sat in the arrivals lounge of Newcastle Airport, one of my closest friends from Exeter called me. A 45-minute conversation ensued of everything from how my day had been to what was happening with his family and my plans for the evening. I don't know if he knew it at the time, but it was the highlight of my day. For someone to pick up the phone and just genuinely want to chat with me, not for any particular reason or motive but because that's what friends do. It wasn't the first time he'd done it and wasn't the last either, but I hung up with a happy heart, knowing that I was loved and not alone. That the voices and thoughts in my head that say "you're not enough" have just been proven wrong.

2. The reassurance.

Other times the insecurity became deafening. After a really lovely morning surrounded by friends, I was walking back from campus. But the thoughts that "no one actually likes you" and "you have no friends" crept in. The thing is, I knew them to be untrue; the morning had already shown me that. However, my own reasoning wasn't going to be enough to stop the oncoming spiral. I picked up the phone and called my other friend. I told her what the voices in my head were saying, and she spoke with conviction. She spoke truth and love about who I truly am. See, the thing about mental health is that it can be hard to separate lies from reality and to have the friend who I can call and speak openly without fear of seeming like a fool and who will pick the truths from the lies was (and still is) a major blessing to me.

3. The voice note

I love a voice note. I don't care if it's 9 seconds or 9 minutes. I live for the voice notes. OK, that's a slight exaggeration, but I am known to send them far too often. Voice notes matter because busyness is often the reason for not picking up the phone. My diary doesn't match up with the other persons, and before we know it, months have passed. But the voice note is just about enough to say I'm thinking of you, and here's the update on my life. In the tough days when explaining how I felt was too much, I could record a voice note and be done with it. The friend would know enough to help but not so much that I was left vulnerable and forced to talk. They're more than a text; when written words just aren't enough, a tone of voice says so much more. Voice notes are more human than a text but not so forceful as a call.

4. The Invite

I don't live with close friends, which makes this seem all the more isolating, but I have a few friends who invite me to everything, even when they knew I had little motivation and was likely to say no 9 times out of 10. I have so many open invites to pop to friends' houses whenever I like, but having the intentional invite to events meant the world. It was often the little push I needed to go to the social event.

5. The Face Times

I face time my parents regularly. Face Times are as close as face to face as we'll get. See Face Time requires time to sit down and chat; it isn't a hurried phone call on the way to lectures or an afterthought. Face Times allow friends from miles away to still stay in contact - often those who've known you longest and best. Face Times take the loneliness away, putting makeup on while chatting to mum or eating while chatting to Dad. Face Times mean there's an opportunity to make sure you're not alone and that someone can see you.

6. The Post Shares

The reason mobiles are under scrutiny when it comes to mental health is the toxic nature of social media, the ease with which we compare our lowlights with another's highlights. Let's be people who hold social media with a pinch of salt and share the encouragements more widely than the artificial perfections. For those going through ED recovery together, sharing real stories people have been brave enough to write and document across the internet has been super encouraging. Here is mine.

So here is my challenge to you this EDAW: pick up the phone. I promise it will be a highlight of your day and theirs and might just change lives for the better.

Finally, for those who may not know, I am a Christian. While I want this post to be accessible and practical to all, I genuinely believe that my faith is the most important part. If you want to talk about why, let's chat.