The Comparison Story

Note: this is not an update but a reflection of the last year – a look back at how good He has been. I feel lead to share this just to help one girl in knowing that the comparison season has a finish line and how Jesus ran this race with me.

The comparison story is fact and fiction for all of us. The feelings and effects on our life are very much real. The loss of Joy is very very real. But the reason behind it is fiction. I personally believe comparison is spiritual warfare. What comparison says about you is not true and utter fiction.

Comparison looks different for everyone. I struggled with comparison to complete strangers.

The ideal comparison was a girl of great beauty; a personality that attracts female friends and male dates; a passion for Jesus; giftings that I don’t possess; a calling on her life that’s more fun than mine. It was never a girl I’ve talked to. Because even in one conversation you can see how equally broken, we all are. They were always the perfect Christian girl – a stranger. And it was awful.

There were church events where I’d have to leave. It led to unfollowing people on Instagram who cared for me and I for them. I struggled to listen to and even told friends to stop talking about their other friends. I struggled to watch any female preacher on a large stage and preferred male preachers– despite my passion for women in leadership. But the major two problems were: 1) a distraction from who Jesus is and who he has called me to be 2) a lack of unity.

Let’s be real, Church events are one of the top places where comparison happens. Festivals of thousands of Christians inevitably causes comparison. Attending youth or student gatherings for the first time involves figuring out where you fit in the ‘league table’.

We need to declare that Church is a place of unity not comparison.

My comparison story is one of 18 months. One where I knew what the problem was yet not able to win. It took many ‘tactics’ to finally overcome and that’s what I want to share with any girl who is willing try anything for freedom…

1 // STAY IN YOUR LANE

Below is a talk by Pastor Robert Madu. Watch it. Regularly.

https://alpha.org/lc/talks - LC15 Main Sessions Royal Albert Hall – Stay in Your Lane

2 // MENTORING

Meet with a mentor weekly!

Meet with a purpose.

Talk about those things that have stayed hidden. Tell them what you thought of that girl on Sunday – how you picked all the things that made her ugly to make yourself feel better. Talk about Jesus.

Celebrate the little victories together.

I promise the mentor needs this just as much as you.

3 // SERVE

At conferences, serve the national church.

You love all churches and there’s no comparison of which have better ministries. Love, love, love and love again. Love because Jesus loves them. Serve because Jesus served them. Love the national church because we are unified and that’s what comparison doesn’t want us to do.

4 // GIFTING

Learn your gifting and own it!

The world says that if we know what we’re good at then we’re arrogant. If we’re that girl who knows she’s beautiful then we’re labelled vain.

We are co-heirs with Christ. We are daughters of the king. There is no shying away from this.

To enter into the calling God has for you it helps to accept that you have giftings and use them.

5 // ALBUM

Document joy and beauty.

I have an album on my phone called “You’re beautiful”. I take a photo on the days where I feel pretty and full of joy.

Look back the next time you compare.

6 // FRIENDSHIP

Tell your friends. They can help.

Mine were careful not to talk about people that I would compare to. That was a sacrifice on their side and perhaps selfish on mine, but it was only for a season and kept me healthy.

Friends who say your beautiful when you think you look like a guy. It’s not fishing for compliments.

Mine realised when I was comparing and removed me from the situation before it escalated.

They sent me a scrapbook of how loved I am.

They sent bible verses.

They celebrated when I hit 50 in the album.

They prayed with me.

They understood the struggle and loved me unconditionally.

7 // PRAY FOR THAT GIRL

Go up to that girl in the service. No seriously do it. Right in the middle of worship. Tell her “I struggle with comparison and think you’re beautiful; can I pray for you?”

Because praying for them brings a connection between you. It brings a moment of vulnerability. A moment where the fellowship of the Church is seen.

Yes, she might say no.

Explain that you struggle with comparison and want to declare against that in Jesus name.

Pray that we will be a united church. Pray that she will have blessings. Pray that she will become more beautiful inside and out.

8 // SINGLENESS

Perhaps a season of singleness during this rebuilding stage is good.

I can’t explain it well but find - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7h5BHax06c&list=PLzsoBckyt2cEwFRDUzUbcUtfE1MNZiaGM - watch some of the series.

Boys are not the identity measure.

9 // KNOW THIS:

He has the capacity to have us all as favourites.

The start to this Oxford season has only been possible with Him and the support I’ve had. I have attended Church and student nights without believing I’m not good enough. I have made female friends without ranking who’s prettier. I can step into God’s calling on my life for this season without thinking about someone’s else’s calling.

I’m running the race set out before me with him by my side. This time comparison has been left at the start line.