The Promise of Amber

There’s a common theory in the prayer life of christians called the traffic light system. It basically goes like this: sometimes God says “Yes” (green); sometimes its a “No” (red); and the amber is “wait”. Unfortunately for me, at the moment, it seems like amber is the only colour coming my way.

I think “wait” might be the hardest of all.

See a green means GO. While it can be daunting there’s a surety to it. My move to Oxford, my application to Exeter university, my role at St Matts - some of my biggest life decisions were all a green. A single moment in which God said “go” and despite the craziness of it, despite the change in the trajectory of my life that it would bring the response was easy. He said “GO”, I went. There wasn’t really any time to stop and think or even question God but an urge to answer the green light with a foot on the pedal.

The red is frustrating. I grew up near a train crossing where the lights that stopped the traffic for the train to pass were constantly breaking. The light would be red and there was nothing to do but turn around and go another route. When God says no it’s like that. You just gotta go a different way, else you’re going to be stagnant for a long time. Granted I’d usually sit at those lights a further 10 minutes hoping they’d change but I’d always have to do an awkward U turn and be on my way, forgotten about not too much later.

The thing about the amber is you can’t forget it. Because it’s where you’ll stay. The promise of a coming green means I wont make a U turn, but there’s the reality that it doesn’t actually mean “go”.

Sometimes we think it means we can keep moving.

There have been two times in my life as a pedestrian where for a split second I thought “this is going to end badly” and both were when a car moved on an amber, they set off a split second too soon. Going on an amber doesn’t always end badly but it risks more chance of it going wrong than if we just waited that tad bit more.

It’s the same when God says “not yet”. We’re in this odd place of the promise to come but not yet enjoying the fullness the promise brings.

It’s the hardest colour because the waiting is painful, yet I keep telling myself its importance. The place where I’m being prepared to go. The moment in which you get into first gear, take off the hand-break and hold the clutch. The time in which the vital preparation can take place.

For so many people my age the amber is in two parts of life: relationships and calling.

There’s pain when we come to realise that the guy we fancy doesn’t like us back and the dates are not quite working out (or happening at all).

And then there’s the confusion of knowing what to do next. God has promised us a future but not actually shown us exactly what the practicalities of the future are. Or (this is me) he has shown us the promise of what is to come but said “wait, theres some stuff to do first”.

Sure there are other areas of our lives where waiting happens too but these are where my ambers lie. And I hate it.

But what I do know is this: I am learning so much in the tension. I’m learning the red flags that wont work for me in a marriage. I’m learning the skill set and character for the ‘projects’ to come. But even better I’m in the waiting with friends, other people also asking God “if not now then when?” It would be so much easier if he gave me an end date but instead we have the space to prepare at the pace He designed.

Amber is harder than green. You have to hold a clutch for a long time and that takes so much effort but it trains the muscles for when the time is right to release.

I’m telling myself this because I don't think I’ve sat in an amber like this. I’ve had some tough reds and some joyous greens. But this amber is tough and I am standing firm in the promise that it isn’t forever.

I want to finish with this:

When I first heard the lyrics to ‘Yes & Amen’ I thought it was ‘Yesterday met’. So it would go “your promises are yesterday met”. I sang that for months until a friend pointed out - rather awkwardly - the true lyrics. But actually ‘yesterday met’ still works. See God knows our future, he has shaped it; he holds my life in his powerful hands. The promises are so yes and so amen that they’re already met, we just aren’t quite in the space to live it. He has fulfilled every promise and one day we will experience the fullness of it. Not on earth - not in a marriage or in a career - but in the eternity with a father who looks upon His child and knows exactly what they need (even when I think otherwise).

PS - thank you to those who are helping me in the amber zone. xox